“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves” ….
It was in Allah’s Book before fourteen centuries Almighty’s saying, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Ar-Rum: The Roman: 21] It is a great verse that we discover its secrets day after a day. One who considers this verse, realizes the importance of sympathetic, mercy and love between spouses, and also discovers that Allah has given us a way for success, healing and happiness in our marital life, that is we take the way of love and mercy. But, unfortunately, we deviated greatly from that course, and thus problems stemmed, especially the divorce phenomenon which spread like fire in hay. There are domestic violence, family disintegration and millions of husbands who do not enjoy happiness with their wives, why?
The answer is included in the above verse, and Allah summarized it into two words: (love and mercy). As long as there are love, sympathetic and compassion between the spouses, life will be happy and quiet. By disappearance of these two “indicators” from the house, happiness vanishes and life becomes unbearable hell.
However, the new discovery which was revealed by scientific studies was that family quarrel is an obvious reason for weak immunity, and the implications of this quarrel are not only reflected on psychological comfort but they lead to fragile immunity in individuals who are suffering from it. This has been confirmed recently by experts from United States in studies and experiments they had done. (According to Germany News Agency) Their Homepage reported that:
A group of American experts have reached a conclusion that man immunity is negatively affected in case of the outbreak of family disputes. This is the result of a study conducted on 42 families that experienced martial disputes. Simultaneously, researchers supported that family quarrel and no accord between spouses lead mostly to family health deterioration. This applies especially to individuals who are suffering from disease symptoms. Some Swedish researchers validated that family disputes lead in most occasions to doubling heart attacks in those who are already suffering from heart diseases. Also, studies pointed that work stress does not lead to complications that family quarrel leads to.
Above is a photo of neurons in a human brain and which store programs needed to give orders to the immune system to perform its duties. Experts do not know till now how stress affects body immune system for individuals who are suffering from family problems. But, it is expected that the abnormal movement of the neurons play an important role in weakening the immune system. Immunity has a connection in healing the human damaged vascular tissues. Researchers corroborated that disappearance of mercy between spouses is the main cause of disease infection especially chronic diseases.
Dr. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser and her colleagues from the Internal Surgery & Psychology Division in Columbus University, Ohio carried tests on wounds healing in spouses who are experiencing family disputes. In this regard, physicians put measuring devices under the armpit of the study participant. A nurse took blood samples before the wound and after. Experts were asking subjects certain questions, besides, conducting certain psychological tests. In addition, they asked the spouses to discuss certain topics. Results of these tests showed how the spouses dealt with each other, besides, evaluating marital relation based on these results. The results showed that more than one third of the spouses who were subjected to tests lived in a hostility environment. In addition, these subjects expressed their anger by uttering profanity during discussion of certain topics and made movements unusual in the daily life of spouses accompanied with weird charges. Subjects did not listen to each other during quarrels. The study verified that wound healing period in spouses who quarrel is more than in spouses who lead a happy and joyful life.
We, as Muslims, Allah has blessed us with the grace of faith. We are glad that Allah Almighty advised us to take care of women and the Prophet (pbuh), Almighty says, “live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” [An-Nisa: The Women: 19] The Prophet says, “Urge you to treat women well”
This is the greatness of Islam. It has brought us benefit, good and healing.
If we look into the statements of psychologists and the studies of Neuro Linguistic Programming, we will find their advices to spouses. The most important of them is if you were complaining from marital problems at home, try to convince yourself that your wife is perfect and look for beautiful things in her and things that attract you to her, and remember that any woman has many beautiful things, nonetheless, you have to look for and see the bright side and then the dark side disappears!
Dears, these advices were reported by psychologists specialized in handling marital problems. There are thousands of books written on the topic, but the Quran summarized all that in one line. Let us consider and delve into these wonderful divine words. I recommend to anyone who is suffering from a family problem to repeat these words: “If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” [An-Nisa: The Women: 19]
By: Abduldaem Al-Kaheel